"Sorry guys...I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
 -Gloria Tesch

Gloria Tesch is an American young adult fiction writer who lives in Tampa, Florida. Gloria has a severe issue of unwarranted self-importance and fancies herself being the future J.K. Rowling. Her prominent work, the Maradonia Saga, is notorious for its extremely poor quality, falling into the "So bad, it's good" category.

However, Gloria's extreme arrogance and ignorance is not entirely hers to blame. According to Encyclopedia Dramatica, Gloria Tesch was an ordinary student in a Florida public school, until she earned an A in a creative writing assignment (the teacher actually gave everyone an A). After that, her parents dropped her out of school and commissioned her to development her "grade A" into a series of books. Her lack of education of her parent's adulation soon made her into the conceited attention whore that she is today.

Why She Sucks

  1. The size of her ego can give Donald Trump a run for his money.
  2. She cannot take even the slightest form of criticism, labeling all of her critics as "haters".
  3. Her self-published books are filled with grammar mistakes and spelling errors.
  4. She likes to use redundant sentences when writing.
  5. The formatting of her books is horrendous, riddled with CAPITALIZED, italicizedbold words or unnecessary "quotation marks".
  6. She spammed Yahoo!Answers and WikiAnswers with false claims that she is "the youngest writer in the world". (Gloria wrote her Maradonia books when she was 10 while Dorothy Straight wrote her first published work when she was 4 years old.)
  7. She created numerous sock puppet accounts to give her horrible books positive ratings. Once she'd gone as far as posting a review her own book.
  8. Her books often plagiarize other works, most notably the Bible.
  9. Her stories are clichéd, unoriginal and disjointed.
  10. Her characters are also clichéd and often serve the opposite purpose, the villains she created are usually more likeable than her idiotic, or even outright psychopathic heroes.
  11. Pathetically weak descriptions, the antagonistic groups are simply named the "Evil Empire" and the "Gothic Movement", and the villain was blandly described as "tall and evil".
  12. Her books were marketed towards young children, despite containing swear words, graphical descriptions of violence and even rape.
  13. Her promotional tactics are nothing short of absurd and shameless. Take a look at this photo.
  14. Later on she gave herself a "street name" of Goldilocks and attempted rapping, and guess what, she's about as good as OG Loc.

Redeeming Qualties

  1. She serves as a good example on how NOT to write books.
  2. Her life is a good lesson on how NOT to raise one's child.
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